Writing - Wonder and Dream


Ask a couple of peers to point to what's important in your first draft and to ask questions about what seems incomplete or confusing.

Add comments to your peers’ Docs and share your writing with them. Chat with your classmates if they are working at the same time. Begin revising your post by adding, subtracting, rearranging, and replacing text. Use Guides for Structured Essays.

Consider the following options when you revise your work.

It may seem strange at first to generate a free flow of writing from freewriting, loops or guidelines (in the previous task)...

... and then be told in this task to use a very structured guide, some of which almost seem like fill-in-the-blank exercises.

You need to find your own way between these two extremes. Try both, and you'll end up with a mess, but from this mess you can begin to create your own argument.

Try one of these!

Choose a title in the list below to find detailed scaffolds that make explicit what is expected in many different types of discussion posts and comments on Youth Voices. Once you've internalized these guides, we encourage you to mix and match different paragraphs, and to go beyond the use of a guide as well.

 


When you have finished your second or third drafts by getting feedback from your peers and by using one of the guides listed above, copy this draft from your Google Doc and paste it into a comment here (on this P2PU task), then click Yes, I'm done .

Task Discussion


  • ShamarS said:

    on April 11, 2013, 2:38 p.m.
  • michelle said:

     

    Comment summary In response to
    What causes Breast Cancer? | I'm glad you chose to do this as your research... 1 min 58 sec ago in response to If my great-grandma, my grandma, and my mom had breast cancer, will I get it too?

     

    on March 1, 2013, 2:04 p.m.
  • josev said:

     

    Summary Post information
    Robotics and Me | Building a robot. Added on Wednesday, February 27, 2013 - 11:18, with 0 comment(s)

     

    on Feb. 27, 2013, 11:21 a.m.
  • Deanf said:

     

    Summary Post information
    How does prison reform criminals? | Something that I have been interested in learning more about has been the Muslims religion. I remember Muslims from my corner store talking about their religion a few months ago, I was somewhat... Added on Monday, February 25, 2013 - 13:52, with 0 comment(s)

     

    on Feb. 25, 2013, 2:18 p.m.
  • JPChris said:

     

    The Insanity Challenge Part 1 | Are you tired of feeling like your body ain't fit? Of not having a sexy looking body in the summer? Now is your chance to take action and do something about it! Do the Insanity workout! I guarantee... Added on Friday, February 22, 2013 - 10:37, with 0 comment(s)

     

    on Feb. 22, 2013, 11:17 a.m.
  • davonc said:

      Something that i have been interested in learning more about has been “the black disciples”. I remember my uncle talking about it when i asked him how life was growing up when he was younger, but it only briefly caught my interest. Lately the issue caught my eye again. I know that may people feel that this is one of chicagos deadliest gangs. From what I've heard, the Black Disciples and their rival gangs disputes caused chicagos death rate to to increase. For example, i heard that the gang disputes caused more deaths in total then the amount of soldiers killed in Iraq in 2012 now thats just what i've heard, it may or may not be true.

      One thing that i know for sure about the Black Disciples is that the gang was created in 1960’s and in the present they have strayed away from original teachings. Now, i've studied my share of the gangs history and i believe they are very disciplinary. Personally, its funny to me how strict they are about their gang membership and don't tolerate the slightest bit of disrespect.

     The Black Disciples was important to the Chicago drug trade for decades after they were created, not only was it a gang but it was predominantly a drug dealing organization. The Bds (short for Black Disciples) was started by David “King David” Barksdale in 1960. It is a predominantly black/african american gang based in Chicago Illinois, Milwaukee, Miami, Minnesota, Iowa, Kankakee, Newyork, Atlanta, Texas, Springfield IL, and Cleveland Ohio. The gang is known to be violent and involved in drug dealing, theft, robbery, gun trafficking, murder, money laundering, and other crimes. The gang is estimated to have about 144,000
    members and growing.

      Being that i had some information but i had some questions on the Bds, i chose to do some research on the topic. As i researched  for blogs and news articles on google, i came across this one article “ GANG THREAT ANALYSIS: The Black Disciples by George Knox (http://www.ngcrc.com/bdprofile.html) “. This article provided a lot of background on the Bds. Some people felt that the Black Disciples are structured more like a religion where gang leaders are called "ministers". This statement didn't really surprised me all that much, but it did make me feel confused. I'm confused because how can a gang that people claim are so violent be structured like a religion? I don't know of any religion where violence is accepted.

      In another part of the article there is one statement that made me nod my head in agreement with the writer. It was “ This is gang where drug selling is a gang sponsored business enterprise “. This is true because originally the gang made money with each other by selling drugs. Along with other crimes but Mainly drug selling was were they made the most profit. The gang hosted “meetings” which were for both disciplinary and business reasons. In these meetings members were called upon to recite gang literature/prayer but mainly to collects money for drugs & recruit new members.  If you didn't meet your leading disciples standards or came up short with money you were given what they called a “violation” or punishment. Depending on the seriousness determined how you were violated.

      All of this makes me think that the Black Disciples was a gang to be feared. They were a business but they still were a gang that can & will use violence to get things their way. I think being a young black man that grew up around the areas in chicago where the Bds stayed it would be hard not to want to join. If they had the cars, clothes, and other material things it would be hard for a young black man to not want the same for himself, so if joining and working for a gang is what it took im sure not many thought twice and joined.

    on Feb. 15, 2013, 10:56 a.m.
  • michelle said:

    on Jan. 15, 2013, 1:36 p.m.
  • danielo said:

    something i that i have been intrested in learning is why do people drop out?

    im intrested in this topic because i know so many people that always talking about dropping out.  My friends  always talking about how they hate their teachers or how they can’t stand them because their rude or they weird. School is alot of stress to mostly everyone. Me myself have  thought about dropping out of school more than 20 times. I can’t stand school and no teachers but is something i have to finish because the most i waste my time or people waste theri time hating them or wishing them the worst , we still in school goin crazy until we reach the droppong out phase. I was reading this article where it says some reasons why people drop out or how they mostlikely would end ,http://www.cec.sped.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Home&TEMPLATE=/CM/ContentDisplay.cfm&CONTENTID=9279
    Students who drop out face a bleak future. Dropouts are more likely to be unemployed, live in poverty, receive public assistance, become incarcerated, are unhealthy, and become divorced and single parents with children who drop out from high school themselves, according to the report.http://www.dropoutprevention.org/family-student-resources/top-5-reasons-stay-school . This article has thought the reasons why staying in school is important because if you just give up your going to end up in one of these reasons and regret it wen is too late. Graduation sometimes fixes your whole and starts the next years of your life. Graduation is very important because with out it you might not reach your goals or potential and might be unemployed or homeless. 

    on Dec. 19, 2012, 11:39 a.m.

    Paul Allison said:

    Your revision of this essay needs to include two or three sources.

    on Dec. 19, 2012, 2:08 p.m. in reply to danielo
  • Aaron said:

    Something that I have been interested in learning more about has been Teen Dropouts. I remember when i was in middle school my teacher Mrs White was talking to us about kids and dropping out when they hit high school. She told us to stay strong and don't give up because the outcome will not be the same as all the hard work we put in to make it this far but i really didn't pay it any mind because i thought everything was going to be the same as it always was. Lately, the issue has caught my eye again. I know that many people feel that It's not their fault they dropped out but personally i think that it is because no one can make you stop learning, no one can tell you not to wake up every morning and commute to school so your education is in your own hands.

    I choose this topic because I've have a little experience with this whole dropping out situation. When i got to high school this got way harder than middle school , I mean i was struggling in classes and homework was too hard but i didn't just give up because like my mother always says quitters will never win and I'm a winner in my eyes. Some people just don't have that special someone in their life to tell them that they should never give up and that the reason dropout rates are going higher and higher as i type this. I was reading this article titled “ Why Teens Drop Out http://www.westsidewriting.org/news/881 and what really mad me want o read more was the very first sentence “In these modern days teens choose drop out of high school for a number of reasons. Like such as, some teens drop out because they see other cool teens that have dropped out” because this is so true kids think that just because they friends do it it's so called “cool” when in reality it's just making them look stupid for following. Also in the same article they mentioned “One of the biggest reasons teens will drop out of high school is because they simply lack interest in gaining an education.” http://www.westsidewriting.org/news/8812854. Lack of interest can put a stop to many things not just school for example sports, food and anything else people do in their everyday life.

    It is not that difficult to know why people drop out of school. Here are some reasons why I think people leave school before they graduate. One reason is that they didn't like school in general or the school they were attending, or they probably were failing, getting poor grades, or couldn't keep up with school work. Another reason is that they didn't get along with teachers or classmates and didn't feel safe in school. Or maybe they got a job, had a family to support, or had trouble maintaining both school and work or they just had a drug or alcohol problem. These are just some reason but there are many more. If you have kids and you are worried about them dropping out don't fear it talk to them and let them know why it is important to finish high school and explain how much it could affect their future.

    on Dec. 11, 2012, 2:41 p.m.
  • britneypa said:

    on Nov. 13, 2012, 12:35 p.m.
  • Anthonyf said:

    Something that I have been interested in learning more about has been is graffiti art or crime.I remember my brother and I was having a conversation about whether graffiti is art or a crime and we were debating about the difference between art and graffiti.We came to a decision that graffiti that express people or messages that they want to show to the public.Something positive was okay.Yet we did say graffiti such as to represent gang territory or to get some fame for their hood,was just plain wrong.Lately,the issue has caught my eye again.I know that people might feel that graffiti is a crime and that anybody that vandalized property should face felony charges and serve jail sentences.From what I have heard,Many people have been debating the issue on graffiti since the 1980’s where it was first brought up in the south bronx.For example,I heard that graffiti was first brought up with caveman where they would draw or express and communicate through writings on the walls.We then use that and present day use this culture and now write on walls to spread messages show our feelings through art.Now that’s just what I’ve heard,it may or may not be true.

    One thing that i know for sure about Graffiti is that I been doing graffiti since i was 14 years old and had my share of getting arrested and facing the justice system.I also know both point of views of how people think about graffiti and whether is a crime or not.Now,I’ve studied my share of graffiti and I know for a fact that graffiti is art but yet their are ways that graffiti could fall into a crime too.What do you believe? Personally,Its funny to me how graffiti has ways of being great but then could be frown upon.

    Graffiti was important to me in the past because When i got arrested i would often ask the police why i was arrested and they would say for making the city ugly.I thought to myself but this is what The Bronx is about and its culture,Hip hop and Graffiti.Graffiti was something people would use often to express themselves when they couldn't think of words.Often we would be refer to juveniles and those kids.Yet to ourselves we would relate to each other and show our styles.Later things would elevate and people would make graffiti crews and would rep theirs crews that they were in.This cause conflict because let’s say if you saw a spot you wanted to do graffiti on and somebody else piece is there,Than you decide to go over there piece with your piece.You automatically just started a conflict because if that person was repping a crew in his piece and you disrespect and go over it than theirs problems.

    The Authorities and Politics feel as if graffiti is all the same to them.Plain and simple graffiti is ugly and should be taken out for good.Even though that's physically impossible.Honestly from my perspective there are two type of graffiti that have huge differences with each other.One is called Gang Graffiti which consist of taggings on walls that represent their neighborhood or their gangs basically to mark their territory.Their no art or nothing that shown in these taggings.The other type is graffiti which basically shows one feelings that can't be expressed through words or someone might do a mural to explain certain events.Either way is not to represent a gang or nothing is just to show other people how one expresses his/her style and for that I see no crime.

    Being that I dindn’t have a lot of background information on Graffiti,I chose to do some research on the topic.As i searched for blogs and news articles on Google, I came across this one article: Graffiti: Street are or Crime? This article provided a lot of imformation and opinions on Graffiti, Some people felt that graffiti was not ustice to the people who were serving such long sentences just for writing on property when they really was just trying to express their art to the world.For example a quote taken from the article “"I suppose the greater the cost of removing the graffiti, the greater the punishment should be, though not prison," says Bob”.This statement didn’t really surprise me all that much, but it did make me feel that I could agree on what this man said.The reason why because I do think other punishments are more sever than just writing on private properties and to have to do years in jail its just obsurd.I feel that the crimes for graffiti should be dealt with not around the areas of prison but maybe something lighter such as community service.

    In another article there was this one statement that made me shake my head in disagreement with the writer.It was “if you do the crime shouldnt you do the time? It seems like graffiti is everywhere!,The graffers should be punish more.” This is so untrue because people are already serving year sentences,what more do you want put them to death.Graffiti doesn't even hurt nobody physically and emotionally?Why not appreciate it more and try to admire it.People should frown upon gang graffiti because is ugly and has no meaning.

    All this makes me think that Graffiti has its pro’s and con’s and people have to adjust to each other levels so that one can understand how each other feels against this strong topic.One thing that I know should change right away is the crimes gives to graffers.The reason why is because people should not serve jail sentences for writing on walls expressing themselfes.Thats unfair and this country was built on justice liberty and independence.So why stop now,if cave men did it from the beginning of time.

    on Oct. 16, 2012, 11:03 a.m.
  • KrittLee said:

    Something that I have been interested in learning more about has been Illuminati. I remember my friend louis talking about it a few weeks back, but When we spoke about it, it was more like a group discussion rather than asking one another questions or getting into much more detail.  Lately, the issue has caught my eye again. I know that many people feel that just talking about my topic it’s like talking about the devil and then you have others who actually accept the conversation and take it into consideration to be brought up. Even those who make it their business to approach the issue and put their two cents added in to let it be know what they know about it.

    Some people say that this is a conversation not to be discussed because we are all no matter what ‘labeled’ as people in classes, as my mother and friends will say. From what I have heard, I know for sure that money or “Capital” as they use to say, is the main idea of this theory. For example, I heard that who has that top dollar and has worthy to them (even though i feel we all do) that they are considered apart of Illuminati. Now that's just what I've heard, it may or may not be true.

    One thing that I know for sure about Illuminati is that with having that top dollar people tend to feel they have massive power not just within themselves but over others. Now, I've studied my share of U.S History, and going from every dictator to every “good” president being that they have the upper hand they tend to express themselves highly different than they intended on doing so when they spoke before taking the title. What I believe is loyalty and with that being said not everyone is loyal. Personally, It's funny to me how many of the sayings about my topic, stick to this day and people continuously repeat them all. Being that I didn't have a lot of background information on Illuminati, I chose to do some research on the topic. As I searched for blogs and news articles on Google, I came across this one article: “http://www.theforbiddenknowledge.com/hardtruth/uspresidentasmasons.htm” This article provided a lot of information and opinions on Illuminati. Some people felt that Illuminati were devil’s to society and were just trying to take over what is already in controlled hands my laws. “I have always seen list's of famous Masons. To just look at the name means very little. When you date and place those names in the proper time line and placement of power you begin to see the deception and vastness of this power elite. What will shock you even more is to learn who the powers are behind the Freemasons.” This amusement didn't really surprise me all that much, but it did make me feel anxious to know learn more. Because the thought of actually putting the pieces together spending time to plot out a timeline based on life’s adventures and bad happenings, made me want express what was already being express but in my own way. And learn what was left to be learned about Illuminati. Than doing all of the above I came up with my own assumptions, and questions about my topic. In this image “http://www.conspirazzi.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/illuminati-control.jpg” there was this one statement that made me think ‘ Is this really how they see us as people?’. All of this makes me think that  even our own peers, neighbors, and higher class think of all the same with or without having that ‘top dollar’. Looking at this images had me disappointed but in the end we do this to ourselves, if it doesn’t get down already by others, just because it’s something we’re use to.

    on Oct. 12, 2012, 12:35 p.m.
  • chappelle said:

    Something that I have been interested in learning more about has been hip hop dance and when it started. I remember when i was talking about it when i took dance class i wanted to know the history that hip hop dance came from  but i didnt learn more about it because i was too busy trying to learn my dance steps. Lately,the issue has caught my eye again because i feel since its something that i enjoy doing my passion i would wanna no the background of the dance hip hop culture. I know that many people feel that hip hop dance originated from the bronx but i wanted to know a little bit more about hip hop i wanted to know how it happened and the start of it all. From what I have heard i know that hip hop has started from the bronx and a woman started hip hop For example, I heard that back then people had big speakers in there cars went around the blocks and was blasting the music.Now that's just what I've heard, it may or may not be true.

    One thing that I know for sure about hip hop dance is that hip hop started in the parks of the south bronx . Now, I've studied my share of hip hop dance/ music, and i feel that hip hop dance is a generation that will never end because its joyful and something that everyone can enjoy is its gets everyone together. i believe that hip hop is a what made all people come together as one and enjoy life Personally, It's funny to me how hip hop started from the bronx and originated all over the world and now everyone has a part of hip hop in each culture there is to know. hip hop dance was important to me because  its something that i do to make me feel good and also helps my body stay fit and i also enjoy it because i entertain people.hip hop dance is everything to me because it bring people together and it also brings out people personality and the talent in people. i love the hip hop dance and culture because it expresses my emotion in the beat or in the song and i give my all when performing my dances.

    Being that I didn't have a lot of background information on hip hop dance , I chose to do some research on the topic. As I searched for blogs and news articles on Google, I came across this one article http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Hip-hop_dance&oldid=513716419 This article provided a lot of information and opinions on hip hop dance. Some people felt that hip hop dance was different dance moves all in one which is hand gestures legs movements etc.Hip-hop dance is a broad category that includes a variety of urban styles.  This statement didn't really surprise me all that much, but it did make me notice . that there was different moves coordinated in hip hop dances which is locking popping breakin In another article  there was this one statement that made me nod my head in agreement with the writer. It was At about the same time, certain slang words also became titles of the dance forms, such as "rockin'" and "breakin'," used generally, to describe actions with great intensity.

    This is so true because the generation of todays world does this now we take words that we refer to things and we place it in to dances that we feel is a signature for the dances move that people create . All of this makes me think that hip hop dance is great and a happy thing because it expresses people emotions bring people together entertains people and also its a good thing for little kids to do because instead of fighting and smoking and drinking doing bad things they can be dancing in programs to start a better life and hip hop dance also keeps ya body fit and ready. hip hop dance culture from way back in the 70s is the  way we do the things now in the hip hop culture and i never understood where it came from  the partys in the park the block partys but now i understand the hip hop culture more  

    on Oct. 10, 2012, 1:48 p.m.
  • ashleynicole said:

    on Oct. 10, 2012, 12:23 p.m.
  • Joey Pappas said:

    on Oct. 3, 2012, 12:13 p.m.
  • Chante said:

    on Oct. 2, 2012, 12:50 p.m.
  • ZoeC said:

     

    Something that I have been interested in learning more about has been about how technology changes our brain. I remember my cousin talking about it when we were in Church, but I didn’t really learn more at that time because I didn’t think about it as much. Lately, the issue has caught my eye again. I know that people may feel that since there’s no evidence or hard-core facts that it wouldn’t be true. From what I have heard, it is possible that technology can rewire our brains and change our behaviors and actions. Now that’s what I’ve heard, it may or may not be true.

    One thing that I know for sure about technology is that it’s efficient, fast and it helps our our ways of life and societies.

    Technology was different back then. Instead of going out and enjoying your day with friends you rather stay in and watch television, play video games and be on our phones.

    Being that I didn’t have a lot of background information on technology, I chose to do some research on the topic. As I searched for blog and news articles on Google, I came across the one article: ttp://www.news.cornell.edu/stories/Feb11/HancockOneDayU.html. This article provided a lot of information and opinions on technology changing our brains. Some people felt that technology were changing in violence, distraction and addiction in children. There’s evidence that all these three things are increasing. They feel that people are spending most of their waking hours using them.  This statement didn’t really surprise me all that much, but it did make me feel disappointed. I feel disappointed because I know that the violence is really increasing and it’s crazy. We hardly go out at anymore because we are so caught up with everything else. That’s probably what causes obesity too.

    In another podcast there was this one statement that made me nod my head in agreement with the writer. It was: “think about technology the way we think about food. Just as food nourishes us and we need it for life, so too - in the 21st century and the modern age - we need technology. You cannot survive without the communication tools; the productivity tools are essential.” This is so true because we need to start thinking of technology like food. We need it and can’t live without it. It’s unbelievable how much we depend on it.

    All of this makes me think that technology might not have physical damages to our brains but that doesn’t mean it’s impact is any less.
    on Oct. 2, 2012, 11:46 a.m.

    ROSS said:

    Zoe, I agree with you and and the comment �think about technology the way we think about food..." Technology is a necessity is a person wants to communicate in today's society. Unfortunately my generation and older are resistant to this phenomena. I speculate that if the 40 + age group accept the challenges of new technology it may contribute to slowing down the onset of dementia which effects the memory part of the brain. C. Ross On Tue, Oct 2, 2012 at 11:46 AM, zoecpoot <
    on Oct. 3, 2012, 1:04 p.m. in reply to ZoeC
  • curtisc said:

    https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1bYF_46v5ULzV9omjkmYfi9k8IaqBtoX8HOIuM1mTCNYhttps://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1bYF_46v5ULzV9omjkmYfi9k8IaqBtoX8HOIuM1mTCNY

    on Oct. 1, 2012, 11:17 a.m.